Relationship Break Up Advice – Saving it or Should You Move on?
February 20, 2011 by Auntie
Filed under Relationship Breakup
Are you looking for relationship breakup advice? Then you’re probably feeling as though this is one of the lowest points in your life. Now that may very well be true, but however badly you’re feeling right now, this feeling will pass! You will get through this! What you do now, depends on the outcome you’re looking for. If you’re ready for the relationship to be over and have no interest in trying to save the relationship, then then you will go one way. If on the other hand you’re looking for a way to save your relationship, then you will need a whole different set of tips and strategies to make this happen.
Relationship breakup advice for those who want to save their relationship is based on how you handle yourself in the run-up to the breakup and immediately after the breakup. If you are at the point in your relationship where your partner has just announced they want to end the relationship, then my advice to you is to agree to the breakup. Your biggest mistake would be to try and persuade your ex to stay in the relationship and not to leave you.
Agree to the breakup, let your ex go and wish them well. Your plan now is to get yourself together. Yes you’re devastated that the one you love has walked out, but you have to find a way to deal with that devastation and to deal with it in a way that will help you rekindle your relationship in the future. So spend some time coming to terms with what has happened in the relationship. You need to do this on your own, without your ex. Make no attempt to contact your ex, instead find your friends and your family and let them help you through this upsetting time.
What you can also do is to make peace with yourself. We all make mistakes and depending on the level of your mistake, it is forgivable! So don’t spend the next few weeks beating yourself up. When it comes to contacting your ex in a few weeks, you need to be emotionally sound and appealing to pull off the reconciliation.
If you have no interest in rekindling the relationship, then the relationship breakup advice you’re looking for is about finding strategies about how to cope with the trauma. You need to be able to move on with your life, so above all, give yourself time. Treat the ending of the relationship almost like a death. It really doesn’t matter whether you wanted the relationship to end or not. The point is it has ended and there was a time when you had real hopes for the relationship. Acknowledge that and acknowledge your disappointment that it has ended and you’ll come through this in time.
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Starting a date after your relationship breakup
February 15, 2011 by Auntie
Filed under Relationship Breakup
Now that it’s been a little while since your relationship ended, you might be thinking that you’re ready to start dating again. It can be a lot harder to open up to someone after you’ve gone through the pain of a failed relationship but you owe it to yourself to find someone who can love you and who you can love. Use these tips on how to start dating again after relationship. 1. The most important thing is to make sure that you are actually ready to start dating. It’s very common for well meaning friends and family to encourage you to ‘get back out there’. But only you will know when you are really ready. If you try to rush it than you may still have feelings for your ex and when you meet someone new it’s very easy to confuse the feelings you still have for your ex as feelings for the new person.
Take all the time you need and don’t let anyone else tell you when you’re ready and if you don’t feel like you’re bouncing back the way you should, it may be time for you to find a counselor to lend a hand.
2. Once you do start dating be careful to take things slowly. More than likely you spent some lonely nights after your relationship ended and this loneliness can cause a subconscious desire to not be alone anymore which may lead you to go way too fast when you meet someone new. Understand that even though you are dating again you may still need to meet many people and go on many dates before you find the one that’s right for you. Be on the lookout for a subconscious desperation that will make it easy for you to convince yourself that the next one is the right one.
3. While you can’t custom order your perfect mate, there is nothing wrong with deciding what characteristics you’d like to find in your next partner. You will need to be flexible and it’s unlikely that you’ll find someone who has all the traits you’re looking for, but it’s a good idea to have an idea of the traits you really want, and more importantly, which ones you absolutely don’t want in a partner before you start dating again. 4. Most importantly, have fun.
Dating is supposed to be about having fun meeting different people, not a sprint to the finish line where you just have to meet the ‘one’ in a certain time frame. Go out with several people to see what clicks and what doesn’t. Try going to new places, try new foods, etc. The bottom line is live your life, and have fun.
It can be a tricky thing to start dating again after relationship. You may find that you’re more guarded than you used to be or that you seem a little too anxious to find someone special. Just try to relax, have fun, and enjoy the process. It might be a cliche but it’s true: you’ll find someone special when you least expect it.
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Getting over your ex
February 9, 2011 by Auntie
Filed under Relationship Breakup
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It would be so nice if there was a ‘breakup pill’. You could just take two before bed and the next day all you would be left with is pleasant memories but no pain. Unfortunately there isn’t such a thing and we all have to learn how to get over someone the old fashioned way: give it time. The good news is that while you are ‘giving it time’ you can also be doing other things. These things may or may not help to speed the healing process up but at the very least they will help you find other things to occupy your thoughts instead of just thinking of the pain of your breakup. Some of these things may sound odd or flat out wrong, but in most cases they’ve been proven to help people move on as quickly as possible. Hey, you’re in a lot of pain, what have you got to lose? Give them a shot…
1. In order to move on you have to get your ex out of your life. That means that you can’t communicate with them at all anymore. Don’t call them, don’t text them, don’t drop by their house. You have to send them a clear signal that it’s over. This is for your own well being, if you continue to hang on to a dead relationship you will only prolong your pain. Better to cut all ties so that you can heal more quickly. This applies if they try to call you too. If they were the one to break up with you it can be almost impossible to not pick up the phone when you see they are calling you, but if you do you’ll just be prolonging your own pain. It’s unlikely that they are calling you to get back with you. It’s far more likely that they are a little lonely and they figure you’re a sure thing so they’ll just call you up and use you to relieve their own fears and uncertainties. Just don’t answer the phone.
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2. Now that you’ve broken off communication with them, it’s time to put away, or throw away, all of the things you have around your house that reminds you off your ex. Again, you won’t be able to move on if you’re constantly being reminded of them and the good times you’ve shared. Some day you may be able to look back on this relationship and remember the good times, but for right now you want to forget as much as you can so you can move on.
3. This one is harsh, but you have to understand that there are going to be lonely times. If you can gear yourself up for it you may have a little easier time getting through the lonely times when they come along. Do not hook up with someone else to help you feel better. This is a crappy thing to do. Many people seem to have the idea that because they were hurt it’s ok to go out and hurt someone else.
That is complete B.S. You have to be able to look at yourself in the mirror everyday and if you act like that it won’t be easy. Just remember that the person who hurt you is gone and that the next person that comes along had nothing to do with it. Be a kind, decent human being and if nothing else you can always know that you acted decently which is how to get over someone.
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